I would be a stay-at-home mom. I would get up in the morning with my kids, fix breakfast, homeschool when the sun was up, do laundry, keep the house clean, sew, write, and design websites. Unfortunately, this is not a perfect world, and that is not my lot in life. Instead, I get up early and go into a job that I’m very thankful for in these times of uncertainty, come home, homeschool my children my share of the subjects (my husband homeschools art, history, and Bible), design websites, and plan for the next homeschool day. Then I plop into bed a very exhausted mom, just to start it all up the next day. I’m not complaining. I have learned to be content in these trials, no matter what the desire of my heart is. I know that one day I will have the desire of my heart, even if it is on the other side of this life.
Why do I not get to stay at home with my children? Well, my husband is disabled. The neurologist believe that he has a very sensitive nervous system. Not much we can do but treat it. Sometimes his legs just stop working, and sometimes he feels so much pain that he can’t stand. For times like those, he has a wheelchair, or he’s flat in bed trying to cope. It affects his legs, his digestive system, and his joints. Sometimes he does great, and can get a lot of things done in his shop (he’s a woodworker), at other times he’s bedridden. Makes it difficult for him to get a job, and keep it, or to build up his home-based business.
Why am I telling you all of this? I don’t know. It’s not from feeling guilty. I know that this is exactly where God wants me at this moment. Maybe it’s to give an answer those who do not understand, but do not ask. Perhaps I just wanted to reflect on it. Perhaps I want prayer for it. A prayer that God will heal Gregg, or to prosper Gregg’s business. A prayer that I will continue to remember that God has placed me on this path, and that he could move me to another if He chooses. Not my will, but God’s alone.